atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Panties = found
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
