The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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