I'm drive I can fine osifer
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
