The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
