it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
