found the other keg... it's in the tree
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
