you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
