I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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