marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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