Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize