Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
