READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
