yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
