You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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