In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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