Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
