Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
