someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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