What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
