The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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