some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
