My cat gives me a boner
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
