I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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