your parents love me but you hate me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I wish there were birth control emojis
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
