I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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