it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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