there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
