The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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