sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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