Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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