New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
