you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
