My room smells like vodka and shame
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think my moral compass just broke
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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