My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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