I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
