He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
