Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
