Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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