I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
