im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Terrible idea I love it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
