just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
