Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
