My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
