home. puking in laundry basket.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
