i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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