Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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