I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
