Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Randomize
