idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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