is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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