Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
