either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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