nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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