I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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