you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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