When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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