Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
