i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
