You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
