Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I want her autograph on my taint
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
