There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
