She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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