If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
