Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
