for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
