I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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