I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
