You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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