Sry I called you an 8
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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