I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
