recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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