forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
