The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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