you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
