You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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