I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
