i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
