Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
40s are totally the cure
I said "one day" and that day is not today
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
