Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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