she looked like the before picture.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
