I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
