Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It was confusing and full of hummus
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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