Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
false alarm. still invincible.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
