I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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