Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
