Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
