why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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