I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I touched a dick in church today
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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