Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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