you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
