if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I love you.
Bad choice
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
