he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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