No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
