I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
