Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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