Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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