One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
