thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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