oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just had sex bonerless
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
