how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
