??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Jerry, you need to find god
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
