she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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