mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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