i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
