What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
