he shaved USA in his pubs
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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